the lack therefore of brings out the best of me in thee most depressing way. makes absolutely no sense, but that’s how my brain describes it.

having a dream is nice, it keeps you motivated, keeps you moving forward, but knowing its actually unachieveable, is kind of a downer, but i push myself through it, blissfully ignorant, and ever increasingly heartbroken. but isn’t that the standard feeling.

on other notes
I still regret drinking on saturday, i was doing so well, blackout/drunk free since december, relapses hurt physically and emotionally, i do so many stupid,dumb, embarrassing things to my friends, to random people and god i feel like an idiot for soooooo long afterwards, it literally haunts my thoughts. i got some demons.

you’re probably been noticing more of these popping up on here, i think i’ve yapped up enough to all my friends about my daily episodes of self depreciating problems, i’d be tired of hearing it myself.